For generations, many women have learnt that succeeding requires them to embody qualities traditionally associated with the masculine: independence, decisiveness, productivity, resilience and control.
These qualities are not inherently male, nor are they undesirable. They help us establish boundaries, pursue meaningful goals and create change. Yet when they become the only qualities valued by our workplaces and wider culture, something important can be lost.
Many women have become extraordinarily capable. We keep going, solve problems and carry responsibility—often while managing the less visible emotional labour of family and relationships. Even rest can begin to feel like something that must be earned.
In adapting to a patriarchal world, might we have become disconnected from other ways of knowing and being?
What is the divine feminine?
The divine feminine does not belong only to women, nor does it require us to conform to traditional ideas of femininity. It describes qualities available to us all: receptivity, intuition, creativity, compassion, emotional depth and connection.
It is the part of us that listens rather than immediately fixes; receives rather than continually strives; and recognises vulnerability as an expression of courage rather than weakness.
The feminine is not passive. It can be fierce, protective and discerning – a mother protecting her offspring comes to mind, both in the human and animal kingdoms. Its strength may be quieter than dominance, but it is no less powerful.
When strength becomes chainmail
For some individuals, being strong has become both an identity and a means of survival. Perhaps there was nobody reliable to depend upon, or vulnerability did not feel safe. Certainly, in my work with ex-boarders this can be the case where the full expression of emotions were not encouraged. Over time, self-sufficiency can become protective armour which can lead to a feeling of being trapped within a fortress. I would argue the same could be said for the majority within forensic settings where many prisoners hold enduring beliefs that the world is a dangerous place where mistrust and feeling disconnected abound.
We may find ourselves continually doing, anticipating and managing. We may struggle to receive help, rest without guilt or acknowledge our needs. Our bodies may be asking us to slow down, while another part insists that we must continue.
