When we are living through an acutely difficult period, it can be almost impossible to imagine that life will ever feel different. We cannot see the path ahead; we see only what has been lost, what has gone wrong and how far we appear to be from the life we desired.
At such times, the reassurance that “everything happens for a reason” can feel hollow or dismissive. Some experiences are profoundly unfair, and there are events we would never have chosen. Yet when we look back over our lives, we may occasionally discern a thread that was completely invisible at the time.
An ending may have become a beginning. A disappointment may have redirected us. An experience that dismantled our previous understanding of ourselves may eventually have brought us closer to the person we aspired to be.
The view from the middle
When we are amid a crisis, it is difficult to see beyond it. The ending of a relationship, a betrayal, the loss of a career, an illness or emotional exhaustion can make life feel suddenly unrecognisable. Even a change we know is necessary may involve considerable grief, uncertainty and fear.
Sometimes, however, what feels like a catastrophic ending later reveals itself as a threshold. This does not mean the pain was not real or that we should have felt grateful for it. It means that an experience may look different once time and distance have allowed us to see it from another perspective.
Looking backwards, we may realise that something which appeared to be taking our life away was also—in ways we could not then understand—asking us to live differently.
Does the universe have our back?
I am increasingly drawn to the idea that the universe may have our back, even when circumstances suggest otherwise.
I do not mean that everything happens for a reason, that suffering is deliberately sent to teach us something, or that we somehow attract painful experiences. Such ideas can place an additional and undeserved burden upon those who are already struggling.
